What are you people doing at Trader Joe's on Sundays?
#017: Plus, the best marathon on TV
Today’s cheers, jeers & meres includes some very big passions of mine, so this up front is not as in-depth as usual.
For anyone else in the corporate world, the shortened work week last week made arriving to the weekend a quick and blissful experience — but is it just me, or is the shortened timeline making *this* Sunday feel ultra scary?
As I try to fend off the pre-Monday anxiety and tears and swirl, one thing (aside from a crisp bottle of rosé in my fridge) is bringing me some real joy: a recent viral Kellyoke video from The Kelly Clarkson Show. The world was *truly* a simpler and better place when we voted Kelly as the first American Idol — one of the only honorable and rewarding examples of democracy at play in the last 20 years!
Just do yourself a favor and bring some joy to your week by falling into the archive of her covering other artists music better than they do. 💌
🎉 cheer: (verb) to utter a shout of applause; (noun) light of mind and feeling
Law & Order SVU Marathons: This is an all time favorite TV series of mine (because I am sick!), but it’s also a favorite series of many Americans (because we are all sick!). Lucky for me that means USA is basically always playing a marathon of SVU at any given moment. And while I obviously love watching them back to back, what really tickles me are the silly little titles they assign these marathons. Rather than just let the episodes roll, they group them based on theme and characters and plot, and since the show has been on the air for, idk, 80 years, they have soooo many to choose from. And I eat it up!!!!! My favorite theme is “Star-Studded Sunday” when you get to watch current day huge celebs act as criminals or victims or parents or psychopaths, but there has yet to be a marathon I’ve not buckled in for and enjoyed. When I say I have watched this series multiple times from start to finish, I’m not exaggerating, so it’s a fun/twisted little challenge for me when they mix up the episodes and assign some arbitrary theme, forcing me to rack my brain and remember the entire case within the first 5 minutes — but I assure you, I nail it every single time.
👩🏽⚖️ Real life SVU Marathon titles I’ve actually watched: Unstoppable Stabler, Organized Crime Doesn’t Pay, Play To Win (sports themed), Rockin’ Rollins, Beat The Clock (ransoms/riddles), Olivia Benson Forever, Across The SVUniverse (crossover episodes from other Dick Wolf shows), The Doctor Is In, Munchathon, We’re Not In Manhattan Anymore, Barba For The Win, SVU Night Live (famous comedic actors), Happy Birthday Ice-T, More Than Partners (steamy romances)
Impromptu plans: No one in my life would describe me as spontaneous. I do not make decisions on a whim or follow my gut as soon as I know what it says — something, maybe, my therapist would tell me I should do more of! — but sometimes I do *my* version of impromptu plans and it’s a real treat. Coordinating & getting a drink with a friend for that night, chasing a craving to a solo brunch, booking a solo movie for the afternoon, indulging in a spur-of-the-moment ice cream cone. There’s something ultra refreshing and very “my life is a movie” about making decisions that have no impact on and carry no weight against the rest of your day. Don’t mistake me, I love a set plan and schedule, but when I make baby plans in the moment it’s kind of freeing — do you mean to tell me there are people living like this all the time?? Where do they channel their guilt? When do they find time to stress about future plans? How do the know how to dress for their days? What do they put on their Google calendars???
🗑 jeer: (verb) to speak or cry out with derision, mockery, or insulting remarks
Trader Joe’s Sundays: I usually try to time my trips to TJ’s on a mid-week evening, so as to avoid the chaos and stupidity I’m met with on a Sunday afternoon, but sometimes we face the unfortunate consequence of changing schedules and lazy spurts. Which is how I find myself now bracing for the impact of grocery shopping at the single best and worst place one Earth on a busy Sunday afternoon. It’s not just the crowds, ok (I get that everyone needs to buy groceries) it’s that Sundays are packed with the dumbest people alive who have… seemingly never grocery shopped or been in a public place with other human beings before? Hey, what if you guys, idk, made a grocery list and then looked at the food in front of you and operated as if this was a normal place to make a purchase!!!! Zero spacial awareness at the banana tower and apple shelf, standing so close to the cheeses and veggies and meats that you can see hot breath colliding with fridge condensation, total avoidance of traffic pattern flow within aisles, ransacked shelves where eggs used to sit (maybe, idk, never seen them stocked), carts abandoned everywhere you look by people stronger than you who just gave up, couples making out in front of some of the most insane chip flavors you’ve ever seen, employees desperate to stock shelves but seemingly wearing blinders as they do, the slowest reading you’ve ever witnessed of every single identical frozen food item. And don’t even get me started on the most convoluted parking lots these stores sit in — traffic jams and blaring horns for small spaces no one can turn in or out of, just what we need in LA. How can we be expected to live like this? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there should be dedicated days for people to grocery shop who know what they are doing and have a list in place. The rest of you, idk, get better or just be hungry I guess!!!
👀 mere: (adjective) being nothing more than
Thrilled that Taylor Swift bought back all of her music — happier about the content that we’ve gotten as a direct result
🍅 The week’s tomato item is this fun nail art!!!! Perhaps tomato nails are *finally* in my future this summer (I’ve been looking for good inspo for a while)
Obviously every “I’d like to see AI do this” meme is hilarious but this one is certainly a standout
📚 What I’m currently reading: The Dream Hotel by Laila Lalami — I am only half way through this book and I can already feel it changing my brain chemistry. It’s a dystopian (though not that crazy!!!!) story about how much of ourselves we’ll give over to technology and monitoring just to make life easier. It’s got incredible insights about women and data and freedom and I cannot wait to finish!!!
I cannot waaaaaaait for the new Knives Out!!!!!!
Another very good “AI could never do this” moment
MomTok is never going to survive this
✨ A room I’d like to live in: Not a room, but a patio where I deserve to be sipping wine / reading / receiving forehead kisses
That’s all this week! I love writing this Substack and it really means a lot that each of you take a few minutes each week to read and interact with it. How cool that I get to rant and complain and giggle without judgement!! As always, feel free to pass it along to your bestie who loves SVU or stresses about Trader Joe’s or loves books, cause the more the merrier — bye <3
I second the love on the tomato nails
the tomato nails 😍😍😍